Forum

Opening Scripture & Spiritual Foundation “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” — 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV) SECTION 1: The Inspiration – A Wounded Marriage and a Warrior Husband Teaching Illustration (Real Example):This week’s message began from a video shared by a man on Facebook — part of the Warrior Husband Jumpstart. His message centers around the idea of a “clean slate” in marriage. He is calling out to men who feel like they’re constantly being reminded of their past mistakes by their wives — as if they’re always on trial. Key Phrases: • “She’s playing the prosecutor.” • “He’s asking for a clean slate.” • “She’s still waiting on him to mess up again.” Why?Because he hasn’t really changed. She’s not unreasonable — she’s cautious. She still sees the same man who did those things. And maybe... he still is that man. He may not be doing the same things, but he’s not acting like a different person. Principle: Husbands who act different... get different. If he's still: • shirking responsibility • dodging leadership • telling half-truths • hiding things ...then there is no foundation for trust. A clean slate can’t be demanded — it must be demonstrated. SECTION 2: Why We Stay Stuck – A Parallel Between Marriage & Faith We want to now shift the conversation from marriage to our covenant with the Father. Here’s the paradox: ➤ In marriage, we often want a clean slate from a wounded spouse — but we don’t demonstrate the change that warrants that fresh start. ➤ In our relationship with God, we are offered a clean slate freely — but many of us never walk in that freedom. The Paradox Defined: ➤ In marriage (or any wounded relationship), we often desire a clean slate—a true reset, a chance to no longer be defined by our failures.But we frequently fail to demonstrate the kind of change that would give someone reason to believe we’re not still the same person who hurt them. ➤ In our relationship with God, it’s the opposite:God offers us a clean slate freely, by grace through Jesus.Yet we often fail to live in that freedom, because we don’t believe we’re really different—or we haven’t changed our thinking enough to walk in it. Discussion Prompt: Ask the group: Can you think of a time when you wanted a fresh start in a relationship, but weren’t living in a way that made it easy for someone to trust you again? Now ask: Have you ever known that God has forgiven you—but still felt stuck in guilt or shame anyway? Key Insight: In both situations, the issue is the disconnect between identity and action. In RelationshipsIn FaithWe want others to see us as new, but we don’t show fruit of being new.God sees us as new, but we often keep acting like the old version of ourselves. In both cases, the solution lies in transformation—not just saying, “I’m different,” but thinking, acting, and living as someone who is truly new. The Block: This is where many people say: “I don’t know what to do.” But often, the problem isn’t a lack of knowledge. It’s that we: • Haven’t internalized what God says about us, • Haven’t renewed our minds, • Haven’t let go of old ways of thinking, • And haven’t walked out real, intentional change. Breakthrough Truth: God’s clean slate isn’t a reward for change. It’s an invitation to become someone new. He doesn’t say, “Get it together and I’ll forgive you.”He says, “I’ve forgiven you—now walk in the new life I’ve given you.” And just like a spouse who’s hesitant to trust again, your heart may resist this truth until it sees the evidence.That evidence must come from you, believing what God says is true, and stepping into it boldly. SECTION 3: Why We Don’t Walk in the Clean Slate God Offers Just like the wounded spouse in the marriage scenario can’t believe the man is different without proof, we often don’t believe we are different, even after God forgives us. Why? Because we still: • Think like the old person. • Let the accuser define us. • Let the past dictate our present. We may have stopped the sin behavior, but we’ve become spiritually passive.We’ve only reached the state of spiritual sobriety — but not spiritual purpose. You’re sober… but stuck. You’re clean… but still ashamed. You’ve confessed… but not transformed. This is what in recovery circles is called a “dry drunk” — someone who’s not drinking anymore but still lives like an addict mentally and emotionally. Biblical Parallel: “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” – Romans 12:2 The problem isn’t that you haven’t changed your actions.The problem is that you haven’t changed your thinking. SECTION 4: The Role of the Accuser “The accuser of our brothers… who accuses them before our God day and night…” – Revelation 12:10 We often let the enemy continue playing the prosecutor, and he uses: • Shame • Guilt • Regret • Fear And here’s the key insight: When your mind isn’t renewed, you leave topos — territory — for the enemy to operate in (Ephesians 4:27). That’s legal ground. He can only accuse where you haven’t declared the truth. SECTION 5: Earthly vs. Spiritual Clean Slates – The Paradox Chart Earthly RelationshipsOur Covenant with GodClean slate must be earnedClean slate is freely givenTrust is rebuilt over timeGod’s trust is offered up frontAccusation may come from othersAccusation comes from the enemyPast may be rememberedGod chooses to forget (Heb. 8:12)Fruit must be visibleFruit must still be cultivatedReal change earns new trustReal change affirms new identity SECTION 6: THE PATH FORWARD — What NOT to Do Many people say: “I don’t know what to do…” But you do know some things. Start with what NOT to do: 1. Stop the sin behavior. • Quit the hidden actions. • Stop blaming others. • Don’t excuse sin as a phase or weakness. 2. Stop the “stinking thinking.” Examples of lies people believe: • “I’ll never change.” • “They’ll never trust me.” • “God’s disappointed in me.” • “I’m not good enough.” Thought: If the voice in your head isn’t aligned with God’s Word — it’s not the Holy Spirit. 3. Stop arguing with the accuser. • Recognize when you're trying to justify yourself to someone who’s acting in that role. • Whether it’s your spouse, your friend, or your own internal monologue — if it sounds like accusation, it’s not from God. • Don’t stay in mental debate. Call it out and walk in truth. SECTION 7: THE PATH FORWARD — What TO Do Here’s the part we’ve all been waiting for. What do we do? A. Rewire Your Thinking – Neuroplasticity + Romans 12:2 “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” Neuroplasticity shows us the brain changes with repetition. New thoughts create new pathways. Steps: • Catch the lie. • Confront it with truth. • Confess the truth out loud. • Rinse and Repeat until it becomes instinctive. B. Meditate on the Word “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night...” – Joshua 1:8 Practical ways: This is drawing nearer to the Spirit of God • Sticky note verses where you see them often. • Set a verse as your lock screen. • Speak Scripture in the car. • Use apps like Dwell or YouVersion to hear the Word daily. • Rinse and Repeat C. Declare Biblical Affirmations Daily Examples: • “I am a new creation.” (2 Cor. 5:17) • “There is no condemnation for me.” (Rom. 8:1) • “I am being renewed every day.” (2 Cor. 4:16) • “I have the mind of Christ.” (1 Cor. 2:16) • “I am more than a conqueror.” (Rom. 8:37) Speak these. Write them. Believe them. D. Take Action • Make the apology. • Offer the forgiveness. • Speak the encouragement. • Open your Bible. • Lead the prayer. • Send the text. • Show up differently. Small actions, repeated consistently, build a new identity. E. Daily Clean Slate Check-In Include this in your journal, notes app, or worksheet. 1. What thought or behavior did I reject today? 2. What truth did I declare today? 3. How did I take a step toward new identity? 4. Where am I still tempted to believe the lie? FINAL WORD: Grace is Free — But Change is Intentional God has given you a clean slate. Not to stay the same with less guilt — but to become who you were always meant to be. The clean slate is the beginning, not the reward. You have been made new. Now walk like it. DECLARATIONS: IDENTITY IN CHRIST 1. I am not who I was. “I am a new creation in Christ. The old has passed away; the new has come.”(2 Corinthians 5:17) 2. I am no longer condemned. “There is no condemnation for me, because I am in Christ Jesus.”(Romans 8:1) 3. I am fully forgiven. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed my transgressions from me.”(Psalm 103:12) 4. I am not defined by my past. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!”(Isaiah 43:18–19) RENEWED THINKING 1. I have the mind of Christ. “I take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.”(2 Corinthians 10:5) 2. I am being transformed by truth. “I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind.”(Romans 12:2) 3. I choose truth over lies. “Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable — I think on these things.”(Philippians 4:8) SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY & FREEDOM 1. The enemy has no ground in my mind. “I give no place to the devil.”(Ephesians 4:27) 2. I silence the voice of the accuser. “I overcome him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony.”(Revelation 12:11) 3. I walk in freedom and purpose. “It is for freedom that Christ has set me free. I will not return to a yoke of slavery.”(Galatians 5:1) DAILY CLEAN SLATE WALK 1. I walk in integrity. “I walk in the light as He is in the light.”(1 John 1:7) 2. I lead with love. “I clothe myself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”(Colossians 3:12) 3. I live with intention. “I make every effort to confirm my calling and election.”(2 Peter 1:10)

Title: "What Are You Getting Out of This?"Subtitle: Uncovering Hidden Obstacles to Healing and Stepping Into God’s Purpose What is Secondary Gain? Secondary gain refers to any indirect benefit a person may receive from an illness, injury, or psychological condition. These gains can be conscious or unconscious, and they often keep people stuck in patterns of dysfunction or delay true healing. Two Primary Forms in Physical Therapy: 1. Conscious/Malingering: A person purposefully exaggerates or fakes injury for financial or legal benefits (e.g., lawsuits, disability). 2. Unconscious/Comfort-Based: A person unintentionally begins to benefit from injury-related routines, attention, or lifestyle adaptations. The injury becomes a part of their identity. This often stems from fear of returning to responsibility or comfort in the new "normal." It isn't criminal or even necessarily intentional—but it is still not fully truthful, and it becomes a barrier to recovery. Jesus Recognized Secondary Gain In John 5:6, Jesus asked a man who had been disabled for 38 years, "Do you want to be healed?" This was not a rhetorical question. It was deeply intentional. Jesus was getting to the heart of secondary gain. Healing meant change. It meant responsibility. It meant no longer relying on others. Jesus knew human nature. He understood that sometimes we become attached to our struggle because it provides something we are unwilling to let go of. This question still echoes today: Do you really want to be healed? Or has your struggle become a source of comfort, identity, or safety? Secondary Gain in Mental Health Unlike physical therapy, mental health diagnoses rely almost entirely on subjective self-reporting, with very few tools to objectively measure distress. Because of this, secondary gain may be even more prevalent in emotional, behavioral, or psychological struggles. Examples of Secondary Gain in Mental Health: • Exemption from work or responsibilities • Receiving consistent care or attention • Avoiding difficult conversations or tasks • Not being expected to lead, serve, or step into purpose • Feeling safe within a diagnosis or identity of brokenness Important Insight: In physical therapy, secondary gain is most evident in patients whose subjective reports do not match objective findings. Mental health struggles, by nature, are almost entirely subjective. Therefore, we must acknowledge the strong potential for secondary gain to exist and even thrive in mental health. Why This Matters in Recovery We all struggle. As humans, we are wired for survival and comfort. Our default nature often leans toward self-preservation and avoidance of pain, discomfort, and risk. This is why secondary gain is not just a physical or mental health issue—it’s a human issue. No one is immune to this tendency. But healing and recovery require truth, sacrifice, and surrender. Many of us may be unconsciously holding onto our struggles because they provide: • Comfort • Protection • An excuse to avoid responsibility We must ask: "Am I holding onto my struggle because it gives me an out from stepping into my purpose?" "Does this relieve me from the responsibility that God has given me?" The Fear of Success Surprisingly, many people fear success more than failure. Why? • Success removes excuses. • Success requires responsibility. • Success means we are now accountable to walk out healing and purpose. • Success forces change and growth. Many avoid stepping into the success God has for them because they're more comfortable living the life they've chosen and labeled with excuses. But God wants to label us by our calling, not our past. Declaration of Surrender "Father, I surrender my struggle to You. I refuse to let excuses keep me stuck. I trust that You have a greater purpose for my life, and I choose to step into it. I release fear, doubt, and the need to control. Strengthen me to walk in freedom, healing, and obedience. I am no longer defined by my struggle—I am defined by Your calling on my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen." Action Step: Journal & Pray • Journal your answers to the assessment above. • Highlight areas where you see patterns of hidden gain. • Ask God to reveal any secondary gains keeping you from full healing. Scriptures to Reflect On: • John 5:6 – "Do you want to be healed?" • Luke 12:48 – "To whom much is given, much is required." • 2 Timothy 1:7 – "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." • Matthew 28:19-20 – The Great Commission • Psalm 51:6 – "You desire truth in the inward being." Final Challenge: Are you ready to let go of the safety of struggle? Are you willing to step into the unknown of healing and purpose? You are called. You are chosen. And God will provide everything you need to walk in freedom. Self-Assessment: Identify Possible Secondary Gain Self-Assessment: Identify Possible Secondary Gain 1. What benefits may I be getting from staying in this struggle or continuing to identify with things of my past?   1. Who shows me extra attention or care when I’m struggling or because of my past? Do I recognize any level of co-dependency in this relationship?   1. What responsibilities or “call of God” may I be avoiding by holding on to my struggle or the identity of my past?   1. What fears do I have about getting better or moving into the next phase of my life?   1. Would my true and complete healing require me to give something up?   1. What excuses am I making for not stepping into healing or calling?   1. Have I built an identity around being unwell or broken?   1. Do I believe God can actually use me in my current state?   1. Is fear of success and all the perceived responsibilities that come with it stopping me?   1. Do I trust God enough to take the next step? Why? Why not?   11.   What was my initial response this idea that my struggle may have unrecognized benefits? Did it anger my spirit? Offend me? How do I now see the idea of “Secondary Gain” in the battle between my flesh and my spirit?

THRIVE – PILLAR 12: GIVE Living Out Our Healing Through Service "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." — Genesis 50:20 The Call to Serve Healing isn’t just about what we receive—it’s also about what we give. As we experience God's transformation, we are called to serve others. Giving back is a sign that we are truly being restored and renewed. Why Serving Others Matters 🔹 Service is Worship – When we serve others, we honor God.🔹 Service is Healing – Helping others deepens our own healing.🔹 Service is a Calling – We are designed to give, love, and lift others up. Key Scriptures on Serving Others: 📖 1 Peter 4:10 – "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." 📖 Mark 10:45 – "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many." 📖 Galatians 5:13 – "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." Healed People Heal People You may have heard the saying, “Hurt people hurt people.” But the opposite is also true:💡 Healed people heal people. Healing is not a destination—it’s a process. We don’t wait until we feel "perfect" to start serving. Instead, the act of giving back is often what brings even greater healing. Jesus lived this truth. He didn’t just teach—He served. He healed, He fed, He washed feet, and ultimately, He gave His life. If we want to be like Him, we must do as He did.   10 Ways to Serve Others 1. Be a Listening Ear • Call or visit someone who is struggling. • Offer to pray with someone who needs encouragement. 2. Write Letters of Hope • Send handwritten notes to people in prisons, hospitals, or nursing homes. 3. Serve a Hot Meal • Volunteer at a food pantry or cook for a family in need. 4. Help Someone in Recovery • Offer to mentor, sponsor, or encourage someone in their journey. 5. Use Your Gifts for Good • If you’re artistic, paint murals of hope. • If you’re handy, help with home repairs for those in need. • If you’re a writer, create devotionals or encouraging messages. 6. Surprise Kindness • Pay for someone’s coffee or groceries. • Leave uplifting notes in public places. 7. Give What You Don’t Need • Donate clothes, books, or household items to shelters. 8. Volunteer in Your Church or Community • Help with childcare, greet visitors, or lead a small group. 9. Start a Community Project • Organize a park clean-up or start a community garden. 10. Share Your Testimony 11. Your story has power! Use it to encourage and inspire others. How to Share Your Testimony in 15 Minutes "Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—those He redeemed from the hand of the foe." — Psalm 107:2 Your testimony is one of the most powerful tools you have. It’s your personal proof of God’s transformation. People may argue with theology, but they can’t argue with a changed life. Six Steps to a Powerful Testimony 1️⃣ Life Before Surrendering to God (3-4 minutes) • What was your life like before you turned to God? • What struggles, addictions, or strongholds defined your life? • What emotions were you living with (anger, fear, hopelessness)? 2️⃣ What Led to Your Decision? (2-3 minutes) • What happened that made you realize you needed a change? • Was there a crisis or breaking point? • Did someone share the Gospel or show you God’s love? 3️⃣ Making the Decision (1-2 minutes) • What was your turning point? • How did you surrender to God (prayer, a conversation, a moment of realization)? • Did you feel different right away or was it a process? 4️⃣ What Changed? (3-4 minutes) • What habits did you let go of? • What new habits did you start (reading the Bible, prayer, church community)? • How did God change your mindset and heart? 5️⃣ Where Has the Change Surprised You? (1-2 minutes) • What unexpected ways has God worked in your life? • Have relationships been restored? • Has He given you a purpose you never imagined? 6️⃣ How is God Using You Today? (1-2 minutes) • How is God using your past for good? • How are you still growing? • How can others experience the same transformation? Final Tips for Sharing Your Testimony ✅ Keep it Simple – People don’t need a perfect story; they need an honest one.✅ Point to Jesus – Focus on God’s power to change lives.✅ Be Real – Share struggles honestly, but highlight the victory.✅ End with Hope – Encourage others that healing is possible for them too. Challenge: Write & Share Your Testimony Take time to write out your testimony using these steps. Practice sharing it in 15 minutes or less. When you’re ready, ask God to open a door for you to share it with someone who needs to hear it. Who in your life needs to know that Jesus can change everything? 💡 Pray about sharing your story with them this week.